just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
