She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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