My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
