I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
