Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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