i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize