Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
