Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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