Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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