party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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