Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
