His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
