areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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