I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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