I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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