Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
