Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
