After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
