She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The air was thick with penises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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