im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
3 2 1 whiskey
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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