So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
