I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm like, not good at living.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
