do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
