Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
