I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
