Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
