we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
