tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
