I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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