You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
