Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
