I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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