Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
