My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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