dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
