i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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