At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
