we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
