After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she told me i tasted like america
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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