So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
