I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
