no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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