My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
