Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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