FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize