Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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