I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
