"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
