i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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