just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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