Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
