They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's the barista slut.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
