NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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