last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
