We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
