he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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