I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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