My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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