just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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