I can tuck mytits in my pants
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
