Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
