I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
