Buhtt sex?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
