Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im part way to drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
