we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
