he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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