Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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