guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
