Im at strip club and am horny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
