You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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