also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
