Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
