I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
