I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
