What a fucking waste of an outfit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
