Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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